My blog. My world. My rules. Now get on your knees.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Paddy calls to see his mate Murphy who broke his leg playing rugby. As they settle down to watch the match, Murphy says: "Paddy, me feet are freezin', could you nip upstairs and get me slippers? They're in me bedroom." Paddy runs upstairs and into Murphy's bedroom, only to find his stunning twin 19 year old daughters sitting on his bed. "Your dad sent me up here to shag you both." said Paddy. "Fuck off ya liar!" one of them said. "I'll prove it!" said Paddy, and he shouted downstairs "Both of 'em, Murph?" "Yeeeahhh, What's the point of having fucking one of them???!!!"
(10:53 PM) Dancing with all the stars aboveYYY
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
* According to the Kinsey Institute, the biggest erect penis on record measures 13 inches. The smallest tops off at 1 3/4 inches.* The most common fantasy is oral sex.* 8% of us have regular anal sex.* 60% of men and 54% of women have had a 1-night stand.* Women buy 4 out of every 10 condoms sold.* In 1609, a doctor named Wecker found a corpse in Bologna with two penises. Since then, there have been eighty documented cases of men similarly endowed.* Men say the average erect penis is 10″. Women say it’s 4″.* A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.* 56% of men have had sex at work.* Among the Mangaians of Polynesia, 18-year-old couples make love an average of three times a night, every night, until their thirties, when the weekly average drops to a mere 14.* 1 in 3 of us have had an extramarital affair.* 62% think there is nothing wrong with affairs.* The maximum speed at which erotic sensations travel from skin to brain has been clocked at 156 miles per hour.* A honeymooning couple are suing Holiday Inn for ten thousand dollars, claiming their sex life is now dysfunction because an employee mistakenly walked in on them on their wedding night.* At least 500 Americans die each year from asphyxia in an attempt to lessen oxygen flow to the brain in order to induce a more powerful orgasm.* England’s King Edward VII, a man of considerable heft, had a special table built so that he could comfortably engage in sexual intercourse.* 29% of us are virgins when we marry.* The average sexual experience lasts about 39 minutes.* 58% like dirty talk during sex.* 22% rent porno flicks at least once.* Given today’s average frequency of sexual intercourse, it would take the typical American couple more than four years to try every one of the 529 positions described in the Kama Sutra.”* The Caramoja tribe of northern Uganda tie a weight on the end of their penises to elongate them–sometimes to such a degree that the men literally have to knot them up–while the Mambas of New Hebrides wrap theirs in yards and yards of cloth, making them look up to 17 inches long.* It was considered elegant for aristocratic ladies of the sixteenth century to let their pubic hair grow as long as possible so it could be pomaded and adorned with bows and ribbon.* In fourteenth-century Europe, high-ranking noblemen were permitted to display their genitals below a short tunic, while those not impressively endowed could, if they chose, wear a leather falsie called a braquette.* French President Francois Faure expired in a bordello in 1899 during the act of copulation, which so terrified his lady of the evening that her vagina constricted intractably, necessitating the surgical removal of the dead man’s member.* When men of the Walibri tribe of central Australia greet each other, they shake penises instead of hands.
(9:27 PM) Dancing with all the stars aboveYYY