but i really need you around.
three.
saying goodbye is the hardest thing to say to someone who means the world to you,
especially when goodbye isn't what you want.
four.
in that moment, i felt my heart break. & i thought, "i can't live without you. i don't want to live without you,"
& then it slowly crept into my mind that no matter how bad i wanted or needed you, it wouldn't matter.
five.
the next time you look back, i think you should look again.
six.
i don't mind it, i don't mind it all. it's like you're the swing set, & i'm the kid that falls. it's like the way we fight, the times i have cried, we come to blows & every night - that passion's there, so its got to be right.
seven.
now i don't like using words like forever, but i will love you until the end of today. & in the morning, when i remember everything that you are, i know i'll fall for you over again.
eight.
be strong now because things will get better. it might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.
nine.
as long as you're happy, then i am too; but i'm not afraid to admit that a part of me died when you told her "i love you."
ten.
it was doomed from the start, should have trusted my heart.
eleven.
& you still mean everything to her.
you're just not worth the fight to her anymore.
twelve.
i still want to be the one to prove that love does last forever.
thirteen.
no one ever gets tired of loving. but
everyone gets tired of waiting, assuming,
hearing lies, saying sorry and hurting.
fourteen.
you were a risk, a giant risk you
reminded me exactly why i don't take risks.
fifteen.
after all; computers crash,
people die, relationships
fall apart. the best we can do is breathe and reboot.
sixteen.
i was in love a million times.
first when I met him and the rest,
was when every time I look at him.
seventeen.
"Goodfuckingluck," i wanted to say. "trying to find someone who cares like i do. who understands like i do. who is forgiving like i am. who will get your every quirk & positively adore it like i do. & when you realize that that's not out there, goodfuckingluck finding me where you left me."
eighteen.
sometimes it’s hard to see the lines we’ve drawn until we’ve crossed them. that’s when we rely on the ones we love to pull us back & give us something to hold on to. then there are the clearly marked lines. the ones that if you dare cross, you may never find your way back.
nineteen.
i'm not going to pretend that i know everything or even that i know exactly how i feel. everything in my mind tells me to run like hell from you, but everything in my body can't stay away from you.
& i've learned to trust that. that's how it is with you, i can't stay away from you, even though that would probably be the best for me.
& i don't know if that's love or not, but it seems like it to me.
twenty.
this is love, isn’t it? when you notice someone’s absence & hate that absence more than anything? more, even, than you love his presence?
twenty-one.
& i love him, god, how i love him. it near enough killed me. it's so passionate, so intense, so painful, that even years afterward you still feel the hurt when you hear their name.
