Today was a fucking bad day.I realised that it doesn't matter how many days you've gone without succumbing to your old habits, it's always a new day. It starts every day. You battle it every day. Relinquishing control for one day DOES NOT MATTER for tomorrow, the day after or ANY OTHER DAY. I just wish I learnt/realised this sooner. Having that feeling of guilt when you know you did something wrong, it disappears the VERY NEXT DAY. Or maybe just last for a few hours. Why didn't I realise it sooner? Why the fuck did I even have to have this problem in the first place?!
Sometimes I just want to scream out! Fuck this shit.And I'm so sorry I failed you babe, I really am. I feel like I failed not only myself, but I disappointed you too. If I could only just show you the emotion through these fucking pixels, I would. Yes there are tears in my eyes, but I'm not going to let this.. problem get the better of me, not for the next few days at least. You won't see these tears, the result of me feeling so defeated, ever, and that's a promise. I've never broken a promise and this is one I especially won't allow myself to.I am so sorry. I wish I could show you how sorry I am through the screen but I can't. I am so sorry for letting you down.Anyway, I need a plan. I'm a little apprehensive about staying home tomorrow night because of well, the whole problem thing. And I can't just go out for dinner because of well, my dad. Ugh.
Tomorrow:
1 apple - ballet - swim/tan - random heroic/chun-li combos on youtube - dinner - after dinner walk - shower - cook for and watch tv with babe - study maybe - sleep
